The Grocery Cart

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We’ve all experienced it.  You go to the grocery store, and pick out a perfectly normal-looking grocery cart, only to realize you’ve unknowingly chosen the understudy to the car in Stephen King’s horror movie, “Christine”.  Making matters worse, I wrenched my back heaving two tons of generic water into the “Shopping Cart From Hell”.  The good news, I saved seventy-five cents buying in bulk.  The bad news, it would cost fifty bucks to see the chiropractor.

The extra tonnage caused the cart to veer like a guided missile into the path of unsuspecting customers.  Thankfully, no one was injured during my shopping experience, except me.  Like Superman, I had used my body as a human shield to protect innocent bystanders within ten feet of the “Death Cart”.  Unfortunately, I threw my hip out in the process, doubling my chiropractic bill.

My harrowing adventure came to an abrupt halt, as I managed a Transformer-like move into a nearby cash-register aisle, with no other people (I.e., targets) in line.

In light of this experience, I’d like to make the following suggestions…

  • Stores should create a new position called Quality Cart Inspector, whose main duty is to regularly check all grocery carts for navigability and functionality.
  • Those carts that fail to make the “cut” should then be shipped to the Pentagon as part of a weapon feasibility study.
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