We’ve all experienced it. You go to the grocery store, and pick out a perfectly normal-looking grocery cart, only to realize you’ve unknowingly chosen the understudy to the car in Stephen King’s horror movie, “Christine”. Making matters worse, I wrenched my back heaving two tons of generic water into the “Shopping Cart From Hell”. The good news, I saved seventy-five cents buying in bulk. The bad news, it would cost fifty bucks to see the chiropractor.
The extra tonnage caused the cart to veer like a guided missile into the path of unsuspecting customers. Thankfully, no one was injured during my shopping experience, except me. Like Superman, I had used my body as a human shield to protect innocent bystanders within ten feet of the “Death Cart”. Unfortunately, I threw my hip out in the process, doubling my chiropractic bill.
My harrowing adventure came to an abrupt halt, as I managed a Transformer-like move into a nearby cash-register aisle, with no other people (I.e., targets) in line.
In light of this experience, I’d like to make the following suggestions…
- Stores should create a new position called Quality Cart Inspector, whose main duty is to regularly check all grocery carts for navigability and functionality.
- Those carts that fail to make the “cut” should then be shipped to the Pentagon as part of a weapon feasibility study.
Hot Flash of Genius 